A Dietz Family Year in Review

Remember yesterday when I said I had a blog post about Christmas and one about Grace to post? Well, I lied:) Sorry. Those aren't coming...at least not in that form anyway. I stumbled upon my friend Sharlee's year in review, and thought it looked like fun, so that's what you're getting. O.K., so maybe I didn't stumble upon Sharlee's year in review, it appeared in my e-mail. But nonetheless, it looks like fun, and I thought I'd give it a shot.



January

*We celebrated my 27th birthday at our house, with a fabulously decorated cake that my husband made and some good friends.



*Ken and our friend Alan put together Grace's crib and tried to shove it through our hallway.



*This was NOT successful! So, they ended up tearing it apart and rebuilding it in her room:)

*I found this random picture of Fenix and John which cracked me up, and still does:)

*Ken found new ways to harass Byron.




February

*Ken and I celebrated Valentines day with a cruise to Italy.



We dined on escargot




and

fine wine.



We followed our cruise up with a huge President's Day bash on February 21st.





Psych! I actually have absolutely NO idea what we did in February. Blame it on the pregnancy hormones!

I apparently had a horrible tooth ache though, and embarrassingly and somewhat psychotically, blogged about it here.

I'm glad that's over!

March


*I started decorating Grace's room.

And sadly, I have yet to finish.

*Sharlee and Amanda threw us a baby shower. It was a lot of fun and really well put together. We have great friends and family and were/are really grateful for all the support.

(P.S. Somewhere around January of this year I got REALLY bad about taking photos, and so I don't have many from the shower unfortunately.)






*Ken and I started our birth classes in the middle of this month, and let me tell you, it was an EXPERIENCE! They had me totally freaked out and feeling super unprepared.

April

* My work threw me and one other a co-worker a baby shower. It was incredibly thoughtful and Grace has the staff of MMS to thank for much of her impeccable wardrobe. In addition to that, the ladies at St. Lukes in Meridian (where my mom and I used to work) also threw me a baby shower. I really love those ladies! I am so lucky to have them in my life. They were such wonderful friends to my mother and are such great friends to me as well.

* We spent our Saturday mornings watching Fenix play soccer. He really enjoys it and has grown so much this year as a soccer player.



May

May was a big month! A phenomenal month!

*I taught my last day for the school year on May 6th. I had a great class last school year. I really did. I could not have had a better group of kids to share my pregnancy with. Some of them were almost as excited as I was. They also made a lot of memorable/laughable comments throughout my pregnancy, that kept Ken and I, and others, entertained.

*On May 8th, Mother's Day, Gracelyn decided to make her big debut. She was determined to get here on Mother's Day, and arrived just in time, at 11:24 that night. She was 6 pounds 14 ounces, 21 inches long, and perfect. I spent my pregnancy trying to imagine what she looked like, never really able to get a clear picture, and then she came and I looked at her, and it all clicked, like I already knew.



June

*We spent May and June getting to know our newest addition. Fenix loved/loves being a big brother and is a great one at that!



*Ken was named "Employee of the Month" at his job. A fact that Fenix and I harassed him about constantly. Every time we went to see him we had to go and check out his "Employee of the Month" picture:)

They didn't give him a button, which I thought was an atrocity. Every employee of the month needs an "Employee of the Month" button to wear for the duration of their reign. So, I made him one to compensate for his work's lack of thoughtfulness and appreciation.



*We celebrated Father's Day (You'll have to excuse the pajamas:),



and Fenix's 9th birthday.



*Grace started smiling this month:)

July

*We didn't have Fenix on the Fourth of July this year, so we celebrated a tad early, on Saturday, July 2nd. Dennin and Brooke came over, along with Dennin's main squeeze at the time:) We played Jenga, ate really good BBQ, and then let off fireworks in front of our house (as in sparklers and fountains).

We managed to somehow anger our neighbor. In fact, she was very upset that we were lighting off fireworks two days before the Fourth of July. Apparently that's unheard of. She didn't even know it was us though. She came out of her house asking us if we lived here. The idea of my husband, and I, and our 2 month old and our 9 year old sneaking into someone else's yard to light of fireworks did make me chuckle though.

She threatened to call the cops on us before we were even able to respond or apologize.

This is a picture of us and our shenanigans.



Seriously! Look at those heathens!

*Ken's mom and step-dad come to visit from Colorado. We had a blast. Ken and I had big plans of taking them to the botanical gardens and to a few wineries. In the end we spent most of our time on our back porch, chatting. And to be honest, that was even better. It was SO nice having them here. We did attempt to take them to the Idaho Botanical Gardens on two occasions. Both times, they were having a concert there, so next time they come we will make sure to call ahead. I would love to post pictures from their visit, but I'm having trouble finding them on the computer, which means they are somewhere on Ken's phone. I really will have to upload them later.


*After two years, we sold my mother's house. This was bittersweet, but it was time.

*Grace started laughing towards the end of July. She was outside in her swing when she discovered the mobile and found it very funny!:)

August

*I surprised Ken with an early birthday present, a trip out to Nebraska. Ken was missing his family, and we really wanted Ken's Grandparents' to get to meet Grace while she was still a baby. It was a short trip (filled with lots of plane anxiety--this seems to get worse as I get older:), but it was a really good time.






*My district started school on August 15th and Grace started staying with Cara and her family during the day. Something we are SO grateful for. They take such good care of her and they love her. There's not much more we can ask for.

*Ken and I celebrated four years of marriage on the 17th. We went out to dinner that evening with Grace, but celebrated a few weeks prior with dinner and wine, while Grace spent some time with Sharlee and her mom.

September

*Ken turned the big 3 0! We celebrated with a BBQ, complete with super tacky decorations hanging from the ceiling, and some great friends! Ken's birthday falls on Labor Day weekend, so sometimes it's hard to get everyone together with it being a holiday weekend. We're really grateful for those that came and made the evening special. Our patio was packed And, once again, I failed miserably at taking pictures.

*Sharlee, Grace, and I, participated in the St. Lukes Women's fitness walk. I've been waiting a while for Grace to join us.

*In addition to that, Sharlee and Zach joined us for Purple Stride, a walk to raise money for pancreatic cancer research. We formed a team called "Cruisin' For Caren". We are really hoping to do it again next year, and raise a bit more money/possibly recruit a few more team members.




*Grace was also baptized this month




and towards the end of September began to experiment with sitting up on her own.

October

*Grace turned five months and towards the end of the month, started eating solids. She LOVES her food!



*We enjoyed another season of soccer, and Fenix scored his very first goal! He was psyched!



*My husband found even more ways to harass Byron.



*We celebrated Halloween with an 80's Halloween party the weekend before, and then I spent Halloween handing out candy with Piglet...I mean Grace, and my zombie step-son helped his friend put on a haunted house. It was a good Halloween. We're already planning for next year.









November

* Ken's dad, sister Kori, and brother Kasey came to visit us for the Thanksgiving holiday. We ate lots of good food, lounged around the house, played games, went Black Friday shopping, and had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. Ken's family has joined us for the last few years on Thanksgiving and it's something we look forward to every year.






*The kids spent some time sporting their Nebraska Huskers gear. (I think Grace may actually have more Husker gear than Bronco...:)




And finally (you're almost to the end, hang in there!)...

December

*Grace got her first tooth at the start of the month and her second at the end. She is getting super close to crawling and has been for the last month now. She seems pretty content to just scoot and roll her way everywhere, so when crawling doesn't work, she just does that. She'll be 8 months in a little over a week. The mobility factor has made taking our monthly picture a little difficult. See picture below for evidence.




*We went to "Festival of Trees" with Amanda and her daughter Cecily. In addition, Grace and I got our Christmas spirit on at the Christmas Show in Boise with Sharlee.



*Ken found yet another way to harass Byron.



*In addition, he found a new way to harass Grace...or at least me:)



*I managed to mail 40 Christmas cards this year (If you didn't get one, I don't have your address:) Which really made me think about how blessed we are. We have a lot of really great people in our lives.



*And finally, Christmas came. We had a great Christmas. Ken made yet another delicious dinner on Christmas Eve, and we spent Christmas opening up gifts, eating dinner at my aunts, and relaxing and spending time together.









Phew! If you made it his far, then I commend you! I'm exhausted just typing all of this, which means I may need to make updating this on a monthly basis a New Year's Resolution of some sort.

2011 was a good year for the Dietz family. I'm grateful for the family, friends, and memories that were a part of my life in 2011, and I'm excited to see what's in store for the Dietz crew in 2012.

I hope 2011 was good to you, and that 2012 brings you lots of new adventures and memories!

Happy New Year!

New Year's Resolutions

I apologize for the haphazard nature of my blog. I have pics to post from Christmas and an update I started on Grace. I've come to the conclusion, that when I have posts that include pictures, it takes me an eternity. Those are on the way though...at some point.

I thought I'd take a moment to get my new years resolutions down.

This year as been FULL! I've grown quite a bit, as has our family. I am very grateful for what I have been blessed with. I'm a little nervous about 2012, I have to be honest. It's going to be a year of discipline! At least that's what I'm hoping.

So here goes, my New Year's Resolutions:

1) Budget better (this means being a bit more realistic) and stick to it. We don't have credit cars or car loans. Most of our bills are bills we will have for quite some times: house and school loans. We do, however, have a ton of medical bills. Having a baby is expensive! And, it doesn't help that Ken had to have surgery as well this year. Even though his hospital stay was 5 hours, compared to my two days, it cost the same...seriously! In addition to that, it looks like we will be acrueing a few more here in the next month with Fenix. We're going to use taxes to pay off as much as we possibly can, and the rest we'll make payments on. I'd like them paid off by the end of summer. That's my goal anyway:)

2) Lose the last bit of this baby weight. I've got 8 pounds to go and no excuses. I need to eat healthier and I need to work out. I'll be honest though, I don't have much of a plan for the working out part. My days are busy and I don't want to take away from the little time I get with Grace in the evening, so I'll need to work something out. It will be easier once the weather is warmer. Then, we can go back to our walks. I may just have to wake up a bit earlier...huge sigh.

3) Stress less. This is a big one, and probably my main one. I am very much my mother in this sense. I stress over school (can we say ISATs?), and money, and choosing decorations for Grace's room (yeah, I know, I'm at times a bit ridiculous). So that's my big one. There is only so much I have control over, and if I'm doing my best, then that's really all I can ask for. So I'm going to work on accepting myself and my efforts a bit more.

Part One

My mother passed away from pancreatic cancer two and a half years ago. I'm pretty sure if you are reading this, then you know me, so you already know this fact:) From time to time, I have well earned "pity me" moments, and I've found that I tend to weave my mom into most of my blog posts. Well, I promise this won't be a pity me moment; however, this is a blog post about my mom, which means it may be sad, or I may get sappy, so be forewarned.

Most likely this story will come in parts. It may take me all week or it may take me all year to finish. We will just have to see.

My mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the summer I was twenty five. I had just started my first real job as a teacher, and was teaching a four hour a day summer school course. I started on a Monday, and the kids came on the following Tuesday. My first day was memorable. I felt like a fish out of water. I was very sure that anyone seeing me trounce my way through the school could tell this was my first teaching job. It didn't help that on my first day (a staff day), there were multiple meetings being held around the school. I walked into what I thought was the staff meeting I was supposed to attend, only to find out I wasn't in the right room. I had to get up 15 minutes into the meeting and crawl my way out to the door, only to then arrive late for my actual meeting. Once the meeting was through and I made it up to my classroom, class roster in hand, I called my mom.

I remember her answering, the first words out of my mouth being, "30 kids Mom! 30 high school students! That's how many students I have in my summer school class!"

I was terrified,

but she laughed, and I was reassured.

This memory has absolutely nothing to do with my mom's diagnoses; however, I felt free that day. I was starting my first teaching job, something I had waited a while to do. All my years of college had paid off. I was ecstatic and scared to death at the same time. And, I shared all of those feelings with my mom, in fact, I'm pretty sure she felt them too.

The Friday of that week, my mom went to the doctor. She thought she had a UTI.

She took a urine analysis test at he Primary Health by my house. They were able to determine that it wasn't a UTI immediately. Her urine was dark (if this is too much info, I apologize). In fact, it was brown. I didn't know it was that dark until she was in the hospital. Had I known, I would have encouraged her to go sooner than what she did. Because of the color, they were fairy certain she had hepatitis.

I was completely lost in my own world at this time. I didn't have much time to plan for summer school, so I was planning as I went. I spent most of my time at the school that week, or working at St. Lukes.

My sister called that night after my mom talked to the doctor to tell me they thought it was hepatitis-the "bad" kind as she had said.

I bawled.

In fact, I called Ken and made him come home because I was worried.

Then, I called Sharlee and left her an incomprehensible message about my mother possibly having hepatitis.

(I was dramatic to say the least. I have always been a bit hyper sensitive to the idea of losing people. I'm not sure where it comes from. If you are a psychology student, or a psychologist, or just into that sort of thing, feel free to analyze away. When I was in kindergarten, somewhere around the time my parents divorced, I went through this phase where I didn't want to be away from my mom AT ALL! We lived kitty corner from my school, and one day, in the middle of class, I just snuck off and walked home. I very specifically remember knocking on our door, and my mother answering it and looking down at me with her jaw dropped. I held up a bow of mine I had found at school, and told her I came home to show her that I had found it. The weeks following this were painful for me, as I'm sure they were for her. I remember crying my little kindergarten eyes out in class and the teacher telling the other studenst to just "let me cry". It's all very comical now. But, I imagine at the time that I just didn't want to be away from my mother. I had this similar feeling when I moved out for the first time, and the second, and the third:) Or, anytime I went out of town. In fact, any trip out of town was accompanied by me going over to my mom's and crying because I was afraid I might die. I was never afraid of the actual dying part. I was upset by the idea of being away from her.)

Nonetheless, when my melodramatic charade was done,

I called my mom.

I had actually called her multiple times during this process, but wasn't able to get a hold of her. Really this should have been my first clue, that the possible diagnoses wasn't that bad. And it wasn't.

They did think it was hepatitis, but that it was easily treatable. They wanted her to basically quarantine herself until Monday when the full lab report came back.

That night I shopped for my mom. I picked up her favorites: cheese its, and chicken patty sandwiches, coffee and Keebler Elf Graham cookies; and then I dropped her groceries off to her for a weekend in. I hugged her, then left.

Monday came around.

It wasn't hepatitis.

That was good, right? I thought for sure it was something small and treatable.

Cancer had not even occur ed to me.

They scheduled her to come in the following day for a MRI.

My mom arrived her for her MRI at nine the next morning.

I was teaching.

She stood, half way naked, while a nurse conducted the MRI, and then she drove home.

They called her as she walked in the door to her house and asked her to come back in.

She sat in a doctor's office, alone, when the doctor gave her what she thought to be her diagnoses:

Pancreatic Cancer: Stage 3.

It appeared as though the tumor was wrapped around a major artery, but they couldn't be sure.

Merry Belated Christmas!

Merry Belated Christmas to anyone reading! I hope yours was a special one, spent with the ones you love.

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. Grace isn't at an age where she understands it, but I really enjoyed putting her in her Christmas p.j.'s and watching her scratch through the wrapping on her gifts. We have been in somewhat of a Christmas tradition limbo since my mom passed, but I think we are finding our groove. Christmas Eve has always been a time I spent with my mother. Before Ken came along, my mom and I spent Christmas Eve exchanging gifts, eating snacky foods, and curling up on her couch. As I got older, we threw margaritas into the mix:) I know, not very traditional, but it was our tradition:) Once I met Ken, he joined in on the fun. Even when I wasn't living with my mom anymore, we spent Christmas Eve with her. We slept in my old room, we opened gifts with my mom, snacked, drank margaritas, and wrapped last minute gifts, along with Santa gifts, on her kitchen counter. Then in the morning, we joined my sister and her family, and we ended the day at either my mom's or my Aunts for Christmas dinner. In the last couple of years we have found a balance between how we spent Christmas with my mom and creating our own traditions. Ken didn't work at all on Christmas Eve day this year, which was nice. He threw pasta fogioli into the crockpot, I baked, we ate, and then drank wine while wrapping gifts. This is the first year in a while, where we haven't had Fenix on Christmas Eve. It was a little strange, but we had him all day and night on Christmas. Grace managed to wake up wide eyed at midnight on Christmas Eve, so we took midnight photos of her by the tree and then sat and watched the lights. In the morning Fenix came and our day took off from there.
It ended with a phone call from a very good friend and her mother, and Grace and I falling asleep on the couch with a book.

It was a beautiful day.

On Christmas Eve day I sat down and read this post by the Blogess.

Aside from friends, this is the only blog I read semi regularly. I am known to laugh until the point of tears when I read her blog. This blog post though, just made me think and to be honest, just made me a bit achy. This Christmas was amazing. It really was. I loved every minute. The only thing that could have made it better was having my mother there. I could relate to this post; however, I don't entirely agree. I will always ache for my mother on the holidays, and my Christmases will always be categorized as those I spent with my mom and those that came after. But, I will love the Christmases after all the same. I think they will always be accompanied with a longing for my mother though. I don't know that I would have it any other way really. I imagine that as Ken and I wrapped gifts and enjoyed our wine and pasta fagioli that my mother was in heaven (that in my head looks suspiciously like my Grandparents house), enjoying a glass of wine, or a margarita, or knowing my mom, a rum and coke. She was most likely seated at the breakfast bar, surrounded by my grandparents and a spread of appetizers (summer sausage and cheese to be more specific) laughing. At least that's how I envisioned her on Christmas this year. I suppose if my mother can't be with me on Christmas, that this is the next best thing.

Grateful

So it's that time again, where I start my post with, "It's been a while since I've updated this..." And, it has. I have some posts planned...Grace is now six months old which is definitely worthy of a post; I took some pictures of Sharlee and Zach this past weekend, also worthy of a post; and I'm currently baking pumpkin bread, which if it turns out, may be worthy of a post too. I have some others in mind as well, and if I wasn't so busy/didn't fall asleep at nine when Grace does, I would actually write them.

For today though, I'd like to take a few minutes to share some of the things that I am especially grateful for this year.

So here it goes, I'll try and condense my list as much as possible. I'm also sure that I will leave some things out.

I am thankful for my home. I am thankful for heat, and running water. I am thankful for doors that lock and keep my safe. I am thankful to live in America, where I don't have to worry about a war being fought in my front yard. Ken and I are always dreaming up ways we could improve our home, from new bathroom counters to hardwood floors, etc. But, in truth, I am just grateful for what we have, as it stands now. Nothing NEEDS fixing. My daughter and step-son are growing up in a safe, warm, home, with a backyard to play in, and a room of their own to have sleep overs in. I understand that although we are always dreaming up improvements, we have more than most, in the big scheme of things, and I am truly grateful for that.

I am thankful for my job and for Ken's. These are such hard times right now. I am constantly hearing stories of people I know that are out of work, or getting their hours reduced. We have definitely taken our fair share of cuts in my school district. As much as I'd love to have our pay reinstated, I am just grateful to have a job. One that I love, at that. I don't know that many people can say that they truly love their job. I love mine. This year has been tough, as I've learned to adjust my schedule to balance both Grace and my students, but I do really love my job. I am not only grateful for my job, but am also grateful for my students. This class has provided my with challenges I have not encountered before, and they are definitely keeping me on my game, but I am grateful for them. I am grateful for the challenge. I am grateful for the energy that most (not all) bring into my room each day. I am grateful that I get the opportunity to help them grow as readers and as writers, as well as people. I have an AMAZING advisory. (Kind of like a homeroom; we meet each day for 25 minutes. We read three days a week, but then the other two we do team building/character building exercises. My students come into my advisory in 6th grade and then stay in my advisory the duration of their middle school experience.) I have grown attached to each of them and am definitely thankful for them.

I am grateful for my husband. This is a given, I am sure. But, I really am grateful for him every day. He is my best friend. Yup, I am cliche. But, he really is. My family has gotten very small. In fact, sometimes it feel like it doesn't extend past our house. I don't know what I'd do without him. I am grateful for how hard he works, for his sense of humor, for his ability to cook:), his selflessness, and who he is as a father. I am lucky. We even each other out.

I am grateful for friends and for Ken's friends. We don't see many of them as much as we used to, but I love them all just the same.

I am grateful for Sharlee and her family. I am grateful for Elise and her e-mails, as well as her blog posts:) I am grateful for Cara and her family. We could not have asked for a better person to watch our daughter. I have no idea what we would have done if we would have put Grace in daycare. Cara is amazing! Her children are amazing with Grace as well. I miss Grace when I'm at work, but I never have to worry about her. I know she is being loved and taken care of. I had this fear when she was born, that she would grow up and feel like she didn't get enough love, because my mother isn't here. I am so, so, SO grateful for the way in which Sharlee's family loves my daughter. They have given me and her such a tremendous gift. There are not many families like theirs. They are truly special.

I am grateful for Amanda and Cecily, and their family as well. For loving our little family and treating us like we are a part of theirs.

I am grateful for Amanda (I have two in my life:) and our friendship. We have been friends for over 20 years, and although we live miles away from each other and don't get to see each other much, I still feel just as close to her as I did when I was fourteen.

I am grateful for Fenix. We have a relationship that I am incredibly proud of. I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be one of his parents.

I am grateful for my daughter. The experience of being her mother has been above and beyond what I expected. I know that I have been given a once and a lifetime gift, and I will never take that for granted.

I am beyond grateful for my mother. I had/have one of the best. My daughter will never meet her directly in this world, but I hope that she will through me. I was given the most amazing role model of what a good mom is. My mom was my best friend. She loved her kids with all of herself. There was never a day in my life that I didn't feel loved and accepted. I always mattered to her. I loved my mom with all of my heart and she loved me with all of hers. It's not something that I can adequately describe in words, but I am eternally grateful for her and for the precedent she set for who I am/who I become as a mother.


There is more that I am thankful for, but these are some of the biggies that I've been thinking about lately.

It's a little late, but I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

What Was I Thinking?!

Some Advice for Parents To Be:

DO NOT! And I repeat: DO NOT fill your home with animals before you bring a baby into it. I'm not sure what we were thinking when we decided we needed TWO dogs and TWO cats. I'm very sure one of each would have sufficed (However, once we got one, we figured they were lonely and needed another one of their kind to keep them company--THIS IS NOT THE CASE. THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN TOTALLY FINE!). So, here we sit, two kids, two dogs, and two cats. I love all of our animals. We could never give them up. But I tell you, sometimes our house feels like a zoo (Because of the animals, not the kids part:)

For example: Today Byron (our Doberman Pinscher) is trotting around the house like a horse. The neighbor's dog is outside barking, and Byron is having NONE of that. Somehow he thinks that by pacing the house and whining that he is accomplishing something of great importance. Not sure what it is he thinks he's accomplishing, but it's something important for sure. He will NOT stop, and when he does, it's to look at the back door as if an intrudor is about to break in. My gosh this annoys me!

Meanwhile, Bella (our wretched little min pin who I love, but if I could have given my young, newly married self, one word of advice, it would have been to NOT buy a min pin) is growling and attacking our cats every chance they step foot into our kitchen. Apparently she just realized today that they live here, and it pisses her off.

Maynard (cat) is crawling into the boxes of Halloween decorations that are sitting in rec room, and Mimi (our other cat) is doing this thing where she sits on our bed in our bedroom (bedroom door open) and cries as if she is lost or stuck somewhere. She will proceed to do this until I come into the room.

Seriously! What was I thinking?!

If I Stay

This book is phenomenal.




Really.

I read it in a span of three days, which is really saying something. Now that Grace is here/school has been keeping my schedule swamped, I have had less time to read. I suppose it helped that Ken had surgery, therefore I had a couple of hours to kill while waiting at the hospital. (He is fine by the way! He has had a hernia for years, but just recently it started to hurt him, so we decided to take care of it while our deductible was still met. I would post pictures of him in his oh so attractive hospital gown, but I think he would possibly kill me.)

Anyway, back to the book. It was beautifully written. It made me ache. It's one of those books that you don't want to end, so when it does, you read the acknowledgments at the end, followed by the discussion questions, and then if you're lucky (which I was), there will be an additional note at the end in which the author discusses where her idea came from. I read all of that. I ate it up. And then when that was done, I placed the book on my lap, looked at it, and sighed. It was just THAT good! I probably would have sat there for a while staring at the cover of the book, but the nurse came to tell me Ken was out of surgery, which broke me out of my reverie. It's the type of book where you need to take a breather from reading for a few days. The type of book, in which you grieve.

Cutest Little BSU Fan Ever!

Getting the Dirt on the Dietz's: Excuse the Cliche...

Getting the Dirt on the Dietz's: Excuse the Cliche...

Excuse the Cliche...

You'll have to excuse me quickly, as I use a cliche. But, as predicted, my daughter is growing up way too quickly! I had been told this would happen many times throughout my pregnancy. I don't know that I realized just HOW quick quickly really was until I became Grace's mother though. On Saturday, she'll be five months old, and these past five months have FLEW! It's sad and exciting at the same time. Sad, that it's flying by, but I manage to fall in love with each new stage she's in. I've had multiple times in these last few months, where I've though, "It can't get better than this." And yet, it does. I love watching her grow. I love the new hair she's getting on her head, and the new noises she loves. I love each phase she goes through from constantly flipping onto her belly, to holding on to her toes every chance she gets. I love her. I don't know that I can find the words to describe what I feel for her. It is all encompassing. It's enveloping. I get lost in it. And, I thank God every day for entrusting me with her. I am so grateful to be her mother.

Before these next few months speed by, I thought I'd try to slow things down a bit by recording and sharing some of my favorite moments/things from these last five months.

-Waking up to feed Grace during the night. She's not at a point where she sleeps through the night yet. I really thought I'd have a hard time with the lack of sleep thing, but I'm going to be honest, I think I'll actually miss waking up to her in the middle of the night. She usually goes to bed around eight and then wakes up between two and three. I don't wake up to her crying. In fact, I'm not sure what wakes me up. She sleeps next to our bed the first half of the night, and so I think I just hear/sense her movement. Once I do, I get out of bed to pick her up, and I am ALWAYS greeted by her little grin. It's like she's saying, "Oh, there you are Mommy." I love it. Despite being sleep deprived, it is one of the highlights of every day. I look forward to it. It's like our secret.

-The way she laughs at Ken. I'll admit, sometimes I'm jealous of it. I can't get the laughs out of her the way that Ken does, but I love it all the same.


-Her bum dance. She loves it. We love it. It's a staple in our house. Bum dancing usually occurs once per day. I attempted to upload a video of this, but had no such luck.

-Bath time. Her first two baths she screamed bloody murder, but now she's my little bath time girl. She loves the warm water and she is so good in the bath. Lately, after we're done getting her clean, I drain the tub so there's just an inch or two in the bottom, and I lay her down and let her splash.



-The first time she laughed. It happened back in July. She was swinging in her swing outside while we ate and she discovered the mobile for the first time. Apparently, it was hilarious!

-That first night in the hospital. I couldn't put her down. They took her to the nursery around three a.m. because she had swallowed some amniotic fluid, and I ached the minute they took her from the room. I was immediately hooked.



-The way she looks at Fenix. She most definitely knows who her brother is. They already have a special bond. If he is in the room, her attention is on him.




-The first time Ken put her in a hoodie and she was so cute I could have died.



-Our morning playtime. Those first few months when I was home with her we had a routine. She'd wake up and eat. Then I'd sit with her on the couch with my legs curled up, and I'd lay her down on my legs, and we'd play. If it was a day Fenix was with us, he'd play with her too. Then when she was all played out, I'd wrap her up and we'd lie down on the couch and nap. I miss those naps with her.

-The first time she cried at our house. Every animal rushed into our bedroom to check out the noise. Byron was alarmed. He actually started to cry himself. The cats were equally upset, both of them hopping onto the bed to explore our newest noise maker.

-Her new obsession with her toes. She is always reaching for them. Just the other day, she was able to get them into her mouth.



-Her constant curiosity about everything. She is always reaching out to play with something; my hair, necklace, yarn, the carpet, you name it. One of her favorite's is Ken's beard:)



-When our delivery nurse first saw the top of her head. "I see dark hair!" And, then my reaction, "Dark hair? Are you sure?". Once she confirmed that she did indeed have brown hair, the waterworks began.


Of course there are other favorites too, and there are daily things I love, like her laugh or the way she talks non stop now. Her constant need to bounce when you are holding her, or the how closely she pays attention when you read to her.

I'm sure as these months progress and turn into years that I will only have more moments to add to my list. These first few months having been nothing short of magic, and I am very grateful to have the happy, healthy, daughter that I do.

Thank You!

If you know our family, then you know that Fenix only lives with us half the time and and that he spends the other half of his time with his mom and her family. This is tough, as I'm sure it is for the billions of families who are in similar situations. However, despite splitting his nights between his two homes, we still get to see Fenix every school day, even on the mornings that he is technically with his mother. Why? Well, my husband meets Fenix's step-dad or mom at 6:30 every morning that they have him. Ken brings Fenix back to our house and they eat breakfast together and then Fenix gets ready for the day and Ken takes him to school. Usually once a week on one of Fenix's mom's days I pick Fenix up from school and take him to religious ed as well. Sometimes, this annoys me. Having Fenix in the morning DOES NOT annoy me, nor does having extra time with him in the afternoon, but the fact that Fenix's mother can't seem to make the time to take her son to school does (last year she worked from home, so her schedule was more than open to take him to school, etc. This year, she is going to BSU, therefore she passes right by his school on her way to school, and she is also working part time at a place located 3 minutes from Fenix's school/5 minutes from our house.) Yet, despite all this, she absolutely cannot take him to school. I have to admit I don't understand this AT ALL! God forbid, I ever be in the situation where my child is living in a split home and I only have her half the time; however, if that did happen, I can guarantee you that I would be spending every moment I could with her. In fact, I spend every moment I can with Fenix when we have him. We make plans around our schedule with him because we want all that we can get with him. We make sacrifices for him because we want him to be happy and because that's just what you do when you're a parent. Although to be honest, we don't look at it as a sacrifice. It's just what you do. Needless, to say, I am completely baffled by Fenix's mother. And in truth, kind of think that if she can't budget in taking Fenix to school in the morning, then maybe Fenix should just be with us during the school week. It would be different if she worked at that hour and so she had to drop him off with Ken in the morning. However, that's not the case.

This morning was one of those mornings where my husband picked Fenix up and he spent the morning with us before school. I have the day off because Grace has her four month doctor's appointment. We ate breakfast, Fenix and I played with Grace together, and when it came time for Fenix to go to school, Grace and I walked him down to the bus stop, because Ken had to leave for work. Now, despite my annoyance with Fenix's mother, if I could say something to her about this situation, it would be this:

Thank you!

Thank you for giving us more time with Fenix. Your selfishness is only resulting in a loss for you and a gain for us. I'm sure there will come a time (especially when Fenix begins to realize and vocalize which of his parents have been the one to always make time for him) that you will look back, and regret the time that you gave away.

But in the meantime, thank you! We will take all the extra time that we can get.

Because I Can't Seem to Find the Words, I've Borrowed Someone Else's.

"The Names" by Bill Collins

Yesterday, I lay awake in the palm of the night./A soft rain stole in, unhelped by any breeze,/And when I saw the silver glaze on the windows,/I started with A, with Ackerman, as it happened,/Then Baxter and Calabro,/Davis and Eberling, names falling into place/As droplets fell through the dark./Names printed on the ceiling of the night./Names slipping around a watery bend./Twenty-six willows on the banks of a stream./In the morning, I walked out barefoot/Among thousands of flowers/Heavy with dew like the eyes of tears,/And each had a name --/Fiori inscribed on a yellow petal/Then Gonzalez and Han, Ishikawa and Jenkins./Names written in the air/And stitched into the cloth of the day./A name under a photograph taped to a mailbox./Monogram on a torn shirt,/I see you spelled out on storefront windows/And on the bright unfurled awnings of this city./I say the syllables as I turn a corner --/Kelly and Lee,/Medina, Nardella, and O'Connor./When I peer into the woods,/I see a thick tangle where letters are hidden/As in a puzzle concocted for children./Parker and Quigley in the twigs of an ash,/Rizzo, Schubert, Torres, and Upton,/Secrets in the boughs of an ancient maple./Names written in the pale sky./Names rising in the updraft amid buildings./Names silent in stone/Or cried out behind a door./Names blown over the earth and out to sea./In the evening -- weakening light, the last swallows./A boy on a lake lifts his oars./A woman by a window puts a match to a candle,/And the names are outlined on the rose clouds --/Vanacore and Wallace,/(let X stand, if it can, for the ones unfound)/Then Young and Ziminsky, the final jolt of Z./Names etched on the head of a pin./One name spanning a bridge, another undergoing a tunnel./A blue name needled into the skin./Names of citizens, workers, mothers and fathers,/The bright-eyed daughter, the quick son./Alphabet of names in a green field./Names in the small tracks of birds./Names lifted from a hat/Or balanced on the tip of the tongue./Names wheeled into the dim warehouse of memory./So many names, there is barely room on the walls of the heart.


This poem always gives me chills. We read it each year in my class to start off our poetry unit. I am always amazed at how little my students know about an event that in many ways, gave definition to my generation. It's hard to believe it's been ten years. I'd share a story about how I spent that day, but to be honest all I remember is feeling overwhelmed and sick to my stomach while sitting in complete silence in my history class as we all watched footage of the second plane hitting the twin towers. I imagine that September 11th will be to my generation, what the assassination of JFK was to my mother's.

I LOVE This Girl!